Amongst the thousands of families who choose to move abroad there are children who will probably be told about their parents’ decision to move abroad, and may not actually be asked or have any choice about the move. Adults like to believe that children are very adaptable, and they are, taking everything in their stride, which again some do but the reality can often be different for some children, particularly older and especially teenage children. It can be a fantastic opportunity and experience for your kids, however sometimes they may not actually realize this. How well children adapt to change depends partly on their age and personality, and there’s a lot you can do as parents to help make it easier on them.

How easily will your children adapt to life in a new country?

Here's how to help make a move overseas work for all of the family

• Keeping them involved with everything
• Learning the language
• If English isn’t widely spoken in your new country or even if it is……….set up language classes for the family before you leave. Again when you first arrive it will also help to stop them getting bored especially If like we did we moved over in the holidays. This is especially important if you plan to send your children to local schools as it will give them just that little bit of confidence and a head start.

Saying Goodbye

Make sure your children know when they will see friends and family again. We had lots of visitor when we came out; you tend to be very popular when you move to a place in the sun  

Why not say a proper goodbye to your home and your loved ones, make it fun and exiting by having a party your children’s friends and another for relatives. We did the children party thing but I couldn’t face the adult one I was too emotional for that! Coward yes I know! 

Preparation

If you can, go on a family trip beforehand. Show your children the schools they will attend then where you will be living and its surroundings and look at the facilities. If a visit isn’t possible, show your children photos or a video of their new home and school, and do all you can to give them an idea of what to expect.

Experts agree that the best time to move is during the summer holidays so that children have time to settle in before the stress of starting a new school. This is what we did but try not to make it seem like one big holiday as the relaxed attitude here is also seen in schools and your children may think they are on a permanent holiday - also make sure they don’t have too much time to get bored. Avoid moving mid-term if you possibly can – starting a new term or new year at school is much easier than going in halfway. They will feel even more alien than starting at the same time as everyone else (this is hard enough in a school where they speak the same language).

Talk to your children about their fears and answer as many questions as you can. Most of all stay positive and upbeat about the move, even when you’re feeling panicky or stressed-out yourself as they pick up on this and it can set them back.  

Be realistic though if you’re moving a long way away, it could be months before you return to the UK or the family comes out to visit you. So be honest with them. My son got very upset when I planned a trip to the UK then we couldn’t fulfil it. If I had never mentioned it in the beginning he wouldn’t have been bothered!

Set up ways of keeping in touch – email is the easiest and cheapest, and the MSN Messenger is ideal for teenagers. Even thought the spelling is not very educational. Don’t be surprised if the friends or your children gradually lose interest in each other’s lives – this is a common reaction and quite normally people (especially children) move on with their lives although it is better to let this happen gradually when they have made some new friends as well.

When you arrive here 

Spend as much time as possible with your children when you first arrive – explore local shops, parks and attractions together and make the most of the first exciting moments. Be enthusiastic and point out all the new and exciting things. Let them have a say in decorating their new rooms and what to put in them. We used this time as an opportunity to have the pets we didn’t really have the room for in the UK this gave them something to do and to look after. I dare not tell you how many pets we have now!

Introduce your children to other children nearby (ideally children already at the new school) and get involved with local clubs and sports activities so that your children feel part of local life. Go out of your way to meet people – fellow expats will probably be your first friends and will help with settling in. As time goes on, try to also meet local people so your children feel part of the new country. The more Spanish friends you make the better and quicker you will be to learn the language. We had a few Spanish neighbors and it didn’t take long for the children to invite them round for swimming etc a great way of integrating and getting to know the culture etc

Although we didn’t really experience too much of this - be prepared for upsets……

Tears, loss of confidence etc missing friends – it’s normal for children and teenagers to feel very angry sometimes and sad, you probably will too, I know I had my moments as I am sure my children did. Do your best to remain positive, at least in front of them. Remember that the culture shock affects everyone who moves abroad and each family member will react differently to the relocation. As parents you have an extra-difficult task – not only do you have to be supportive for your children, but you also have to cope with your own reaction to missing friends and familiar places etc

But bear in mind that in spite of the doubts and difficult moments, most families sail through those first few months and go on to thoroughly enjoy their stay abroad. Indeed, many of them decide never to return home! Although some do…………

If you do return to the UK, expect your children to suffer from ‘reverse’ culture shock, whatever their age. Younger children may not remember their ‘home’ at all and children of any age may find it tricky to re-adjust to life in the UK – teenagers have particular difficulties. Be as supportive and positive as possible, just as you were when you went abroad in the first place. Acclimatizing doesn’t happen overnight - but in time your children should settle back into life in their home country.

Ideas for the move

Pack a box each of their favorite things, we bought 5 plastic storage boxes and we were allowed to each fill one with our favourite things that we didn’t necessarily need but wanted to keep for sentimental or whatever reason

Make it your top priority to find permanent accommodation if at all possible – try not to move house more than once during the first year. Spend as much as you can afford on accommodation but only as much as you can, it is an expensive time setting up home again – your children will be much happier in nicer surroundings though with all the familiar home comforts.

 If you aren’t shipping your household goods from the UK, buy or rent furnished accommodation so you don’t spend valuable family time shopping for furniture and fittings. You will also need to watch spending, money seems to evaporate when you first get here so be careful, especially if you have a transition time when you will not be working

Spend quality time with your child decorating their new bedroom. Let them have their say!

As soon as you can, set up a family routine – this is reassuring for everyone and gives structure to your new life.

You can expect your younger child to be extra-clingy and tearful – so be ready to give plenty of hugs and kisses – easy here ins Spain as it is normal to give lots of kisses on both sides unlike in the UK when it is not the done thing to be kissing at the school gate - here it is normal!

Schools

(please see also the sections on the website where I have gone into more detail

Choosing the right school abroad is a major concern for parents and a big worry for children......... so look at the options carefully. In most countries you have the choice of international or local (state) education.

International schools teach in English and usually follow UK-type curriculum so your children will feel at home and if you do return to the UK, mid-school age your child’s education won’t be interrupted. Standards of education are generally pretty high and it’s a unique opportunity to meet other nationalities and cultures. On the other hand, international schools are expensive and children do not always integrate well into the local area where you live if you choose this option.

Local schools help your children (and you) become part of the local community, learn the language and gain better higher education and employment prospects in the country if you’re staying long-term. State schools are also free. But some children, especially teenagers, may find schooling in another language difficult, both academically and socially. It all depends on the age and character of your own children which only you can judge.

Some things obviously depend on a child's age:

Pre-school children

Children under the age of six may worry about being left behind, or being separated from their parents. If you go on an orientation or house-hunting trip beforehand without the children, it's important to reassure children this age that you will be back; bring something unique back to them from the new town. It's also very important for them to express their feelings and fears about the move. Give them a job to do - have them be responsible for boxing up their favorite toys, and "labeling" their boxes with crayons and stickers. We took a vidoe of the place, schools and house and we must have watched this nearly every day before we left the UK!

Ages 6 to 12

Children this age are usually most concerned with how the everyday routines of their lives are going to be affected. Showing them pictures, videos and magazines of their new home will help a lot, especially if you can find new places in advance for the things they like to do. If your child takes music lessons, find and share information about the new music school she can go to. If he takes karate, or plays football or baseball . . . even if her favourite thing to do is the park or beach, find these places in your new neighbourhood and get brochures, pictures or videos.

Teenagers

Teenagers are most concerned with fitting in. They may react angrily to the move, even insist they're not going. This is usually due to the total lack of control they have over everything important in their lives - friends, school and jobs - being disrupted at this important and hormonal time of their lives. These children can be very worried about making new friends, and not knowing how different the new school will be. They are curious about the clothing, hairstyles, music, cars, etc. that other kids in the new place that will be their home will be using. Pictures of all these things are very helpful, so when you take a trip be sure to take many detailed photos/videos of the schools they will be attending.

In short here are some tips

1. Create for very young children an entertaining travel kit for the move.
2. Provide older children a disposable camera or a diary, for recording the trip and move. (Create a website for them to share the experience with old and new friends! there are lots of sites now where children especially older children can interact with each other)
3. Give children of all ages a stationery set for keeping in touch with old friends. Setting them up an email address could also be an alternative and here is where the huge phenomen MSN really comes in handy.
4. Take videos of the new home if the kids won't get to see it before the move - we did this and it really worked a treat. Arrive well before the movers so children can explore and become familiar first. We did this too, had to sleep on a cold hard tiled floor the first night but this was all part of the adventure.
5. Give children tasks to work through, such as setting up their bedrooms or why not let them create their own garden area or make a pet area if you have one, if you haven't, its only a matter of time believe me!
6. Take a break with the family as soon as possible to explore the area, sights and places of interest in your new city. Settle in and relax! but dont treat it too much like a holiday - children old and young need routine to feel secure.
7. Arrange visits to new schools and meetings with the teachers before the actual first day of attendance wherever possible, at least go and look at the school and you may get chatting to other people if they are about.
8. Encourage the children to welcome new friends to visit your home. They will be just as intrigued with your home as you are with them.
   
   Relocating to a new life and home should be a positive and enriching experience for the entire family.
   
   Using some of the tips above will ensure that your children will receive the most benefit from the relocation.

As soon as you’ve made your decision, tell your children. Let them have some say. If they do, your job will be much easier later on I promise you, if they don’t, then you may have your work cut out, but you owe it to them. If at all possible, allow at least six months for preparations - it takes at least this long anyway to sell up and make plans. Involve them in as many parts of the process as you can and never assume they don’t care or aren’t interested, they may not admit it be they are! If they are actively involved in the decision then they can never say they weren’t later on and say that they were forced if they ever go through a sticky patch which undoubtedly they will.

Look at things together maps, books, pictures and websites together, and talk about what your life may be like and what their hopes are. Have joint Spanish lessons (you WILL most definitely need this) and make them fun – this could be an education for you, too! Children need different information depending on their age they have hobbies so may want to carry these on or have new ones, these need to be addressed look on the web for places when they can continue in their chosen sports etc,

Health (also covered in the Health section on this site) but with children especially in mind.... 

Children are sometimes prone to accidents and illness, so access to healthcare abroad is essential. Before you leave, find out about healthcare provisions in your new country and what you need to do to make sure your family is covered. The UK has reciprocal health agreements with all EU states and around 40 other countries, but not Canada, Turkey or the USA. Each family member needs a European Health Insurance Card to qualify – visit www.ehic.org.uk for details. There are links on the Health section of this website. What you get varies considerably depending on the country – you may only be entitled to emergency treatment (see www.dh.gov.uk for full information), so comprehensive medical insurance is essential for all the family.

If you’re working and making social security contributions, your family may be entitled to health care under the state system. Provisions and standards are excellent in some countries and poor in others, so you may need supplementary private health insurance cover. Do not leave home without adequate medical insurance!

If you are not going to be covered your Ecard will give you emergency cover do not leave home without it.