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    March 11, 2010
 

The Challenge

For many of us expats this is the season for prolonged visits from family and friends. It's a time of anticipation, excitement and - let's be honest here - some apprehension and strain too. How can we best survive a summer of visitors?

Read all the different tips on this page to help you enjoy your visitors

 
Enjoy don't just Survive

Visitors bearing gifts

 

The Solution

DON'T FORGET TO ENJOY YOURSELVES!


It sounds so simple. But how often do we become so wrapped up in our roles as
hosts, tour guides, chauffeurs, housekeepers and chefs that we allow resentment
to spoil OUR enjoyment?

 
 
Living In SpainSurviving Visitors  

Surviving Visitors!


For many of us expats June to September (or anytime of the year for that matter) is the time for prolonged visits from family and friends. How can we best survive and afford all those visitors?

I have to be honest though I think I have some great ideas but am not always very good at seeing them through for one reason or another...

Most of all do not forget to enjoy your guests, family and friends both, and remember life is short. If you have a budget tell people from the outset if they are good friends and family that love you they will understand, if they dont then ....!!

It sounds so simple. But how often do we become so wrapped up in our roles as hosts, tour guides, chauffeurs, housekeepers and chefs that we allow resentment to spoil OUR own enjoyment?

So here are some pointers to help make this time enjoyable for you as well as your guests.

Ask yourself, when you visit your mother country does everyone stop what they are doing finish work and bow to your every whim, I don't think so and so of course they wouldnt expect it from you either. This is your home and you are NOT on holiday.

Set expectations up front.

  1. If you have only one car suggest they may need to hire one
    • if you are working then suggest they may be restricted if they don't or that you can't all fit in the car for one journey and will have to make several
  2. Suggest trips out for them, without you if you are working or busy some of the time, this way they will know from the outset.
  3. Suggest what they will need to bring and what there is to do
    • if they have an unrealistice idea of what it will be like then you could all be miserable.
  4. Set some house rules, you could even frame them and make some into a bit of joke to lighten things but get the message over.
    • For example you could say that you only cook one meal a day and that lunch time is a free for all and everyone can help themselves or that you only do cooked breakfast at the weekend for example.
  5. Hopefully guests will share the washing up duties, but dont be afraid to ask, if you dont - resentment will build.
  6. Plan time out for you, all being together can be a strain for everyone.
  7. Get them the local time table for the train or direct them to a theme park for the day if you are working or busy.
  8. Without being selfish focus also on what you want to do. If you have been to that theme park too many times already just say if you go and are miserable then it will be a waste of time and money. If they could go alone you would then be refreshed for the evening when they return and ready to party once more.
  9. Don't be afraid to express your views.
  10. Lighten and chill, laughter stimulates the same endorphines as exercise and there may not be many more summers or opportunities and we should grab them whilst we can...
 
Even More Survival Tips

 

  1. Set expectations up front. Let visitors know what the weather will be like, what clothes to pack, the options for getting around, activities available etc. and encourage them to do their own homework and choose what they would like to do. If they have an unrealistic idea of what it will be like, you could ALL be miserable! 
  2. Provide house rules. People are sometimes shocked when I tell them I have a list of guest rules. It started out as a joke because the house felt like an hotel, and includes exit instructions; no feeding dogs at the table; chauffeur available with 24 hour notice; and cooked breakfasts provided on Sundays only.
  3. I also added a choice of tasks that guests can choose from - from setting the table for dinner to unloading the dishwasher and watering the plants. It works! Be creative and have fun with it. 
  4. Plan "down time" - for you AND them. Being together can be a strain for everyone. Recognise that this is human nature and normal. An overnight stay away can make everyone appreciate the time together again. Create ways to get away for a few hours - even a trip to the dry cleaners can work wonders! 
  5. Start every day with a positive intention. My intention for today is... 
  6. Focus on what YOU want to do too. Be honest - "Do I really want to go to the museum for the umpteenth time?" Don't be afraid to express your views and offer an alternative. So often we feel an obligation to be together all the time, and then force ourselves to put up with something we don't want to do. The result can be that we are miserable. What a WASTE. 
  7. Avoid blaming others if you are feeling unhappy. Ask yourself "What is preventing me from enjoying this experience? What are my options here to change the situation? What action can I take to enjoy this more"? 
  8. Lighten up! Laughter stimulates the same physical changes and endorphine release as exercise. There may not be many more summers like this, so make the most of it and have FUN.
 
Nothing to do whatsoever with moving to Spain but something very true and profound about life in general that I had sent to me to remind me what life should be about and I thought it would fit in here...

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back.  From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed?  Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched a soap on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?'  She would  stammer, 'I can't.  I have clothes on the line.  My hair is dirty.  I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, it looks like rain.'  And my personal favorite:  'It's Monday.' ...She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because we cram so much into our lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.  We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Fred toilet-trained.  We'll entertain when we redo the flooring.  We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating, as we get older.  The days get shorter, and the lists of promises to ourselves get longer.  One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.'

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips.  She keeps an open mind on new ideas.  Her enthusiasm for life is contagious.  You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Roller blades and pass an elevator for a bungee jump.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years.  I love ice cream.  It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.  The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker.  If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day.  Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, whom would you call and what would you say?  And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?  Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night?  Do you run through each day on the fly?  When you ask 'How are you?'  Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?  Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.'  And in your haste, not see his sorrow?  Ever lost touch?  Let a good friendship die?  Just call to say 'Hi'?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away... Life is not a race. Take it slower.  Hear the music before the song is over..

'Life may not be the party we hoped for...  but while we are here we might as well dance!'
 
 

 
 
 We all know this is so true but do we do enough about it? 
The short answer is NO but are we working on it...
 

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email us: info@livespainforlife.com